You

You
You were the one person
I had a person
To go to, to confide in.
You made me feel
Kinship, comfort
longing to be someone again
Closeness
A real connection to another human.
I thought I had made it
I thought I had finally done it
I’m not an outcast after all
I’m not someone who will never fit in
I have a place
I can belong
In your arms
Or at least, in your vicinity.
I was wrong
I’ll never be that somebody
Not for you
Not for anyone
Not even for myself
I can’t find it
Because it doesn’t exist within me
I just wanted one thing:
A friend.
But I’m undeserving of it
Clearly, I’m a worm
Clearly, I’m undeniably pathetic
Clearly, I just want this to be over with
If only it could all be over with.
Your likeness,
I won’t describe it
Your taste,
I won’t deny it.
Your closeness,
I won’t subscribe to it
Because I can’t,
You don’t want it
You don’t want me
Unless I’m killing my self over you
Unless I’m putting in 250% of me
I don’t even have 100 to give myself
So how can I give you anything at all.
I pushed myself to give more to you than I possessed
But here I am
It meant nothing again
It never does
I’m more upset than when I began.
This is the worst one yet.
People suck
But I suck the most
The most
Maybe someday I’ll get an understanding
Of why I need to chase people
That don’t care for me
That don’t appreciate me
That don’t want me
In any capacity
But today is not that day.
I’m sure I’ll continue my ways.
I’m sure I’ll suck the life out of someone else
The only way that I know how
And I’m sure that you’ll be watching
Laughing
Just like the rest
Oh well.