Leaving

I glance out the window
You are late again
No new messages
No new calls
Nothing to tell me that you aren't dead or hurt or done with me
I am truly alone, in that moment
The sounds of anything else
Become distant, stupid, silly
It doesn't matter where my life is going
I just won the lottery, or I published a book, or my mother acknowledged something I did
Without criticizing
But it is so very useless.
My brain is only focused on that one thing
They always do this,
Everyone is out to get me.
I think my parents left me first
In the womb, alone
Floating in that sac
Crying into those hollow walls of water.
Then in my crib, scared of this new world, that awaited me
The loud sounds and the bright lights
Crying, into the empty spaces
And they left me hurting
My knee bleeding
On the sidewalk, next to my purple tricycle
So I cried for the rest of my miserable, pathetic days
And I am crying now, for you.
Isn't that the same thing?
Will I ever be cared for?
I am so afraid the answer is no.