used

i feel used
what other way could i explain it?
like a napkin, a used tissue
but what was i expecting?
flowers to be thrown at me,
when all i could show you was
what was underneath my clothes?
my brain knew
but my heart developed something more
and i wish i could cut it off
break it, rope it, strangle it
somewhere in a field far off, never to be thought of again
but the emotional toll is too much
it's all just too much
and i need some real, human touch
but what is wrong with me?
i knew what this was
i knew what it always was
your hand on my neck,
your lips on my chest
that was the best, i could get out of this mess
instead i threw...this
a party that i can't leave, a bill that a can't pay, an excuse that i can't make
because it's you
and it's fucked up of me, i know
that i want you to look at my face
and feel something, anything...close to what i am
i want you to see my physical attraction
and use it to meld some emotional connection
that doesn't exist
that never will be.
i don't know how to end this
but it's killing me...
it's killing me.


please...let me live.