Self-esteem

When I was
shorter, louder
a different version
of me,
I would scrutinize
my fingernails,
the crevices in my cheeks,
the zig-zagged lines
of my
crooked
self-esteem
but not anyone
else's
and I would bust
through the floorboards
my thoughts
weighing a hundred pounds
and making me appear
not as thin
as I would've
desired.
And at 9 years old
I felt so upset
for all the other children
that had to gaze
upon my horrible
face
everyday.
But now I feel worse
because my insides
are just
as
ugly.